Why.
It’s such a funny question. Three simple letters, so much angst and anxiety.
I struggle. I struggle to be confident, I struggle with feeling inadequate, I struggle. One reason I’ve always struggled with dating is that I am terrified of rejection. I read a lot of romance novels, and anytime the heroine is rejected or perceives someone’s actions as rejection I get sick at my stomach and most of the time I cry. I feel deeply for that fictional person, because I live in constant fear of it happening to me.
I think online dating helps with this in some respect, because there is that barrier of it not being in person. Does the fact that I know not many people have “swiped right” on me feel great? Well, no, but it’s not quite as harsh as standing in front of line of guys who walk by and say “Nope.” as they get to me.
The worst part of this Bumble experience has been the varying forms of rejection. It comes in so many different ways. There’s the extremely impersonal “he didn’t swipe right”, but who really cares. The next issue really bothers me way more than it should. Once two people are matched, the woman has 24 hours to contact the man. Once she does, the guy has 24 hours to respond. For someone who is uncomfortable making the first move, it seriously bothers me when the guy doesn’t respond. It shouldn’t. It should roll off my back, but that pesky little why word pops up, and won’t go away. Was it my opening, was it my pictures, why?
Yesterday I experienced a new form of rejection from this lovely app. The kind to make you really scratch your head. I matched with someone on Wednesday. He was definitely not the kind of person I would approach outside of a dating app, but isn’t that the point? I’m broadening my horizons, or whatever. I messaged him, he replied, and we had an actual conversation. Things were looking up. The same thing happened Thursday. He initiated conversation, we talked about reading, jobs, personality traits, etc. He asked me if I had always lived in Arkansas, then when I said yes, asked if I had traveled outside of the US. I answered, he said he was impressed, he told me where he had been, we talked about that, then I asked if he had traveled in the US. He didn’t respond, but it was late, no big deal.
Fast forward to Friday. I expected a response to my question, but never got one. When I opened th app yesterday afternoon to look at my conversations, I notice my conversation with him has gone to the bottom of the pile and his picture is missing. When I clicked on it, it said “Deleted User”. As in this guy deleted his profile with no warning or explanation. Now that why word was a big flashing red sign. Was it something I said? Was I being catfished? Was he simply a jackhole who didn’t care. I have no idea and the kicker is, I never will. I’ll never get the answers to these questions.
I guess the ability to let it go would be personal growth. So here’s to personal growth, and fewer jackholes.
Saturday, April 21, 2018
Saturday, April 14, 2018
What’s in a Blog?
Sometimes I just feel the need to write what’s on my heart, so here it is.
I joined a dating site. I’m not even sure why. Is it because I’m almost 33? Because sometimes it’s lonely? Because I felt the need to push myself out of my comfort zone? The real reason probably lies somewhere in the middle of all of those reasons. Last night while tornado sirens were going off and the wind and rain were howling, I kept thinking how nice it would be to just not be alone. But, let’s go back to this dating site.
It’s not actually a site, but an app. A swipe left, swipe right kind of app. Bumble, to be exact. Now I’m an introvert, so making the first move is WAY out of my comfort zone. But, I’m trying to grow here, so I decided I could do this. The whole premise of Bumble is to put the beginning of the relationship into the woman’s hands. Now, being a pretty traditional person, this is hard for me, but I took a leap. And boy has it been an eye-opening experience. Here’s what I’ve learned so far...
1. I was truly unaware of how many people were looking to add extra people to their marriage. 😳😳
2. People will say literally anything on a dating profile. What you don’t believe me? Here are some examples “I’m in a sexless marriage and looking for what I’m not getting a home.” “Preferably someone who likes to travel, have intelligent conversation, and beat me for my disobedience.” Now, I’m not judging on that second one, but a little warning would have been nice.
3. Dating apps are not for the faint of heart. So in the world of Bumble, you swipe right on people your interested in, left on those you aren’t. If you both swipe right, it’s a match and the woman has 24 hours to message the guy. Once she sends the first message, he only has 24 hours to respond (but only for the first message). I’ve been on the app for almost two weeks. It’s not a huge sample size, but enough to get an idea. The number of guys that have swiped right on me, before I did them: 2-3. That’s it. Not gonna lie, it’s a bit of an ego deflater, but oh well. I’ve been trying to put a good amount of effort into this endeavor, so there has been lots of swiping. It was nerve racking to send the first message to that first person, but I did. He responded, but we will get to him another day, since then There have been probably 5 or so guys I’ve matched with and messaged. Of those, none have responded in the 24 hours they’re given to respond. Zero. But worse than that? About half have deleted the match after I messaged them. Let me tell ya. That one hurts. I was brave, I jumped out of my comfort zone, and you jerked you the rug right out from under me. It’s rejection in its harshest form. There was that slight glimmer of hope, but you doused it before it had a chance. I guess that’s the way we grow, though. We keep going, knowing that the odds are someone will be different. Or is it just insanity...
4. Apparently, an enormous percentage of single men in Arkansas love hiking enough to put it in their dating profile. We’re talking at least 75% of the people on the app. What on earth?! I don’t buy it. I get that some people truly love it, but there is no possible way that many people are avid hikers. You used the one picture you have of yourself hiking, and built a profile around it. Be original. Be creative. Be something besides a fake hiker.
I joined a dating site. I’m not even sure why. Is it because I’m almost 33? Because sometimes it’s lonely? Because I felt the need to push myself out of my comfort zone? The real reason probably lies somewhere in the middle of all of those reasons. Last night while tornado sirens were going off and the wind and rain were howling, I kept thinking how nice it would be to just not be alone. But, let’s go back to this dating site.
It’s not actually a site, but an app. A swipe left, swipe right kind of app. Bumble, to be exact. Now I’m an introvert, so making the first move is WAY out of my comfort zone. But, I’m trying to grow here, so I decided I could do this. The whole premise of Bumble is to put the beginning of the relationship into the woman’s hands. Now, being a pretty traditional person, this is hard for me, but I took a leap. And boy has it been an eye-opening experience. Here’s what I’ve learned so far...
1. I was truly unaware of how many people were looking to add extra people to their marriage. 😳😳
2. People will say literally anything on a dating profile. What you don’t believe me? Here are some examples “I’m in a sexless marriage and looking for what I’m not getting a home.” “Preferably someone who likes to travel, have intelligent conversation, and beat me for my disobedience.” Now, I’m not judging on that second one, but a little warning would have been nice.
3. Dating apps are not for the faint of heart. So in the world of Bumble, you swipe right on people your interested in, left on those you aren’t. If you both swipe right, it’s a match and the woman has 24 hours to message the guy. Once she sends the first message, he only has 24 hours to respond (but only for the first message). I’ve been on the app for almost two weeks. It’s not a huge sample size, but enough to get an idea. The number of guys that have swiped right on me, before I did them: 2-3. That’s it. Not gonna lie, it’s a bit of an ego deflater, but oh well. I’ve been trying to put a good amount of effort into this endeavor, so there has been lots of swiping. It was nerve racking to send the first message to that first person, but I did. He responded, but we will get to him another day, since then There have been probably 5 or so guys I’ve matched with and messaged. Of those, none have responded in the 24 hours they’re given to respond. Zero. But worse than that? About half have deleted the match after I messaged them. Let me tell ya. That one hurts. I was brave, I jumped out of my comfort zone, and you jerked you the rug right out from under me. It’s rejection in its harshest form. There was that slight glimmer of hope, but you doused it before it had a chance. I guess that’s the way we grow, though. We keep going, knowing that the odds are someone will be different. Or is it just insanity...
4. Apparently, an enormous percentage of single men in Arkansas love hiking enough to put it in their dating profile. We’re talking at least 75% of the people on the app. What on earth?! I don’t buy it. I get that some people truly love it, but there is no possible way that many people are avid hikers. You used the one picture you have of yourself hiking, and built a profile around it. Be original. Be creative. Be something besides a fake hiker.
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