Tonight brings several questions to mind.
How pathetic is it to crave the attention of literally anyone at 33?
Is it still considered ghosting if it’s the same guy multiple times?
Was he lying about everything?
Why am I listening to Sam Smith and crying about this?
Will I ever actually go on a date?
Tuesday, May 29, 2018
Wednesday, May 23, 2018
Ghosted
So the title of the blog is Ramblings of a Hopless Romantic, and I truly am. I believe true love exists and I want so bad for someone to love me.
The dating sites had me pretty down on myself, but things started looking up. I matched with a guy who actually new how to have a conversation and asked if I wanted to go on a date. I was so excited at the prospect. I’m 33 years old and other than a week of insanity when I was 18, I’ve never been on a date, and I’ve never been on a date alone with a guy. We talked a lot the first night, a little the next night, then today he was gone. Unmatched without a word. I’m feeling sad, hurt, angry, lacking.
I think it’s safe to say I’m definitely a little more battered than when I entered this scene.
The dating sites had me pretty down on myself, but things started looking up. I matched with a guy who actually new how to have a conversation and asked if I wanted to go on a date. I was so excited at the prospect. I’m 33 years old and other than a week of insanity when I was 18, I’ve never been on a date, and I’ve never been on a date alone with a guy. We talked a lot the first night, a little the next night, then today he was gone. Unmatched without a word. I’m feeling sad, hurt, angry, lacking.
I think it’s safe to say I’m definitely a little more battered than when I entered this scene.
Sunday, May 20, 2018
Why Not Me?
Rejection is really the worst. But as I type that through tears, I realize it’s still the possibility of hope that is truly awful.
After 33 years of not being good enough for anyone, I was brave enough to get on dating sites. With that came the hope that this would be the avenue to get noticed by someone.
Every time I match with someone there is the hope that this is the time that will be different. I’ve been told multiple times now they’re just looking for sex, which as a 33 year old virgin is obviously now what I’m looking for after 30 seconds of online interaction.
I experienced something new this week. It said someone was interested in me, but they unmatched while I was typing a message. That one stung. It was someone I had shared interests with and was excited about, which really didn’t help matters.
So now I’m laying in bed with the same thoughts I’ve had my entire life. Why? Why am I not good enough for anyone? Why isn’t there anyone who thinks I deserve even their consideration much less their love? No one has ever loved me that wasn’t required to.
After 33 years of not being good enough for anyone, I was brave enough to get on dating sites. With that came the hope that this would be the avenue to get noticed by someone.
Every time I match with someone there is the hope that this is the time that will be different. I’ve been told multiple times now they’re just looking for sex, which as a 33 year old virgin is obviously now what I’m looking for after 30 seconds of online interaction.
I experienced something new this week. It said someone was interested in me, but they unmatched while I was typing a message. That one stung. It was someone I had shared interests with and was excited about, which really didn’t help matters.
So now I’m laying in bed with the same thoughts I’ve had my entire life. Why? Why am I not good enough for anyone? Why isn’t there anyone who thinks I deserve even their consideration much less their love? No one has ever loved me that wasn’t required to.
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