Why Not Me?

Rejection is really the worst.  But as I type that through tears, I realize it’s still the possibility of hope that is truly awful.

After 33 years of not being good enough for anyone, I was brave enough to get on dating sites.  With that came the hope that this would be the avenue to get noticed by someone.

Every time I match with someone there is the hope that this is the time that will be different.  I’ve been told multiple times now they’re just looking for sex, which as a 33 year old virgin is obviously now what I’m looking for after 30 seconds of online interaction.

I experienced something new this week.  It said someone was interested in me, but they unmatched while I was typing a message.  That one stung.  It was someone I had shared interests with and was excited about, which really didn’t help matters.

So now I’m laying in bed with the same thoughts I’ve had my entire life.  Why?  Why am I not good enough for anyone?  Why isn’t there anyone who thinks I deserve even their consideration much less their love?  No one has ever loved me that wasn’t required to.